Spring, Sacrifice and Sarcasm

I’m training for the MORE/SHAPE Women’s Half Marathon next month. I’m focusing on work with an important client, and I’m trying to stay mentally alert.

As someone who values exploration, indulging, and who suffers from a case of FOMO so severe that I’m certain that I’ve broken the world record for most birthday parties attended in one day (which might have been five), saying no to fun is not easy for me.

I’ll never be on a long-term diet. I don’t do laundry every Saturday morning. I don’t go to sleep or wake up at the same time. Routines bore me. But I know that you need discipline to be successful, and I want to be successful in reaching my goals this spring.

I already train for races. Training and completing races brings me joy. I have one coming up. As I started prepping for it, I felt the desire to do what enlightened women do – teach myself a lesson.

I decided that I would not drink a sip of alcohol for two months. I don’t drink a lot these days, anyway, but it’s always enjoyable to have a cocktail during a social occasion, and I knew it would be hard to turn down. It would be difficult, but achievable.

I’ve been on track for two weeks, and it’s going well. It’s kind of like lent, but a little longer and with a touch of Jewish neuroticism. What if this doesn’t work? What will my friends think of me? What if I eat more bagels to overcompensate for not drinking wine?

I already went down a jeans size. I wore something fashion-forward the other day, and a friend compared me to Carrie Bradshaw! I’m convinced that I owe the compliment to this new energy I’m radiating as a result of my personal experiment, which I’ll call PE because it’s easier to say, and an abbreviation makes it sound official.

To kick off PE, I chose to entertain myself by reading Lena Dunham’s “Not That Kind of Girl,” a book about her life and perspectives. She covers a lot from love to body image to family to awkwardness to death.

Not That Kind of Girl

I enjoyed it and was pleased to learn that we share common interests, such as napping, talking to strangers and trying to figure people out. I love her honesty. I love her HBO show, “Girls.” I love the way she writes, with the meticulousness of someone performing bypass surgery and the coolness of a former international DJ who gave up that lifestyle to have more “balance” and opened a yoga studio.

In her book, she compiles lists that never failed to make me laugh out loud, such as “13 Things I’ve Learned Are Not Okay to Say to Friends,” which includes “She’s chubby in a different way than we are” and, “Come on, please let me pay for lunch. You don’t have a job!”

When I told people about my PE, I received a ton of hilarious responses, which I’ve attempted to compile into a Dunhamian-style list. Here it goes:

8 Things Your Friends Say When You Tell Them You’re Not Drinking For 2 Months

  1. “Wait. Just not on the weekdays, right?”
  2. “Giving up food or sleep sounds easier.”
  3. “What? Why?”
  4. “You mean, you’re just not drinking hard liquor?”
  5. “How are you going to interact with other people?”
  6. “I tried that once. It lasted for a few days.”
  7. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”
  8. “See you May 1st.”